Coffee & Cigarettes

coffee and cigarettes

Two items that are the bane of my existence

I smoked for the better part of 20 years, and though  I quit years ago I would occasionally indulge when on vacation.  However, after waking up to a cigarette and a cup of coffee every morning for so many years, the two are still entwined a bit in my head.  What’s so funny to me is that when I smell smoke on someone’s clothes, I wrinkle my nose.  Sometimes, when I walk past someone who is smoking, the scent leads to nausea, while other times I want to just stand by them and sniff sniff sniff.  So some mornings when I wake up and sniff the fragrant steam rolling off the cup of coffee, I get a whiff of nicotine laced smoke.  I realize that it’s just in my head, but the skunky odor still rolls across my olfactory senses and reminds me of being so young.

A few weeks ago, I found lumps in my breasts and headed to see my doctor.  She diagnosed me with fibrous lumps, and prescribed switching to a caffeine-free lifestyle.  What what?!  I drink 4 to 5 cups of coffee a day!!  So I switched to half-caff for a week, then switched to decaf.  While I still get the scent, the steam, the warm flavor rolling across my tongue…it’s just not the same!  So I sneak a cup of half-caff every couple of days.  I will admit that switching to decaf means I drink more water, so I’m better hydrated, but I miss it SO much.  That caffeine rush first thing in the morning, and mid-afternoon when I’m getting the afternoon sleepies…priceless!

Now what does all this have to do with running?  Nothing.  I’m just walking down a personal memory lane.  Sitting at Cafe Espresso with my high school friends, during the grunge and alternative era of the 90’s.  Walking the horseshoe on USC campus, New Year’s Eve at Sydney (now Finley) Park, watching MTV when they actually played music videos, dancing ballet and jazz five or six days a week, Senseless Beauty Cafe, driving all over the place for a lack of anything better to do, etc etc etc.  All these memories are tumbling through my mind, sparking and flaring, spinning weightlessly…

As I look back to who I was, I look forward to who I will be.  I’m looking forward to making new memories that I will look back on in twenty years, when I’ll remember pushing H in his stroller, enjoying the splash pad with him, running, having the best husband ever, and I’ll laugh at myself.  Or rather, I’ll just keep laughing at myself.


One response to “Coffee & Cigarettes

  1. Every six months or so I’ll find myself with a few too many drinks in my belly and cigarettes in my pocket. I always wake up feeling/smelling gross, but some part of me misses it. Especially that morning smoke with my coffee.

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